Rats in the Belfry

5.12.10

bipolar as a Them 2

every bipolar person i've ever
met has bad drug stories.

a bad drug history just seems to come
with the plumbing. the happy ones end
with "and now i'm on this, which seems
to be working pretty well for me...
i don't get like that anymore".

'getting worse' is not generally what we go
to health professionals for, so i think one can
understand why there are bipolar people
who shake their heads sometimes
about the medicating industries.

on the other hand, i found myself talking
to a medical professional who saved
my life, and i'm not the only one...

to be bipolar is to be emotional by nature,
in good ways and bad. it is no doubt as maddening to medical professionals as it is to many bipolar people that treatment has to be so highly individualized. what works for one person
may be completely toxic to another.

there is no silver bullet for bipolar and no one is expecting one. the doctors tinker and so do we-
trial error, with a tendency to focus
on errors more than most.

it is this highly individualized experience
of both symptoms and useful treatments
that got me thinking tonight while
i was waiting for the bus.

what if 'bipolar' is not an 'it', like measles
or malaria or anthrax.

what if 'bipolar' is more like a meeting
place, a chemical community centre
where a variety of perceptions, experiences
and behaviours meet?

- tbc -

http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/slideshow-bipolar-disorder-overview#

http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/h/dangers-of-lithium.html

http://www.bipolaradviceguide.com/the-benefits-and-side-effects-of-librium-chlordiazepoxide-amitriptyline-for-bipolar-disorder

http://www.psychweekly.com/aspx/article/ArticleDetail.aspx?articleid=32

http://pastexpiry.blogspot.com/

http://prescriptionworld.org/

4.12.10

bipolar as a Them

one of the most interesting things
i've noticed since being diagnosed as bipolar 2^
is discovering how many people i knew back
when have since been diagnosed as bipolar too.

it's interesting to look back and remember how
we found each other. the experiences that brought us close. the connection that remains, crossing time and space...

...enduring perhaps because in each friendship,
the dialogues have the blunt frankness of the passionate... an honesty bordering on fearless,
that was sometimes a balm and at others could
cut like obsidian.

one of the things bipolar people talk about
is their medication*. what have you tried?
what did it do?

what did they try next?

what are you on now?

these are like the Masonic handshake
of the bipolar. the way we sniff butts...

strangely intimate. curiously clinical.
it's case history. a shared stigma.
why bullshit?
you've both heard worse...

you've both been worse.

no one i've met is more 'medication-aware'
than the bipolar. this truth holds for both what's often a checkered history of self-medicating
and for the different medications recommended
by the proverbial Professional help.

it makes sense. when you're tinkering with your primary interface with the world, you really have very little choice but to pay attention to how that seems to be working for you, and for the people
you interact with...

the reality check as a way of life, to the point where over-checking reality might even be a symptom.

from there, it can go to what have you heard
about this one?

you know what happened when they gave
me that one?

what else do you do that helps?

***

inherent in the diagnosis, i think, is that one will sooner or later come up hard against the realization that one has been living in what is commonly referred to as an 'altered state' for a long time...

my life so far, and every day of the rest of my life will be experienced in an altered state. what i do or don't ingest and when, every day - the food, liquids, drugs, solid particles, microwaves, etc. - will affect my experience of the world.

seriously.

my experience of 'reality' is a continuously fluctutating (altered) state, and i'm not
the only one....

- tbc -

^ and deciding not to make it my dirty little secret

* or the lack thereof, as a point of personal pride, a lack of money or more commonly, as part of a larger reaction to their experience of debilitating 'side effects**' from a prescription medication.

** i really dislike the term 'side effects'. it minimizes the negative impact on the druggee, and maximizes the safe space for sloppy research and intellectual laziness of the druggers.

sources and interesting aspects...

http://www.worthpoint.com/worthopedia/aztec-obsidian-knife

http://www.google.com/imgres?

imgurl=http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f384/thespaniord/100_4618.jp

http://www.latinamericanstudies.org/aztecs6.htm

http://www.zazzle.com/sniff_dogs_love_stinks_2_bumper_sticker- 128712622471485161

http://www.consciousape.com/discussion-topics/altered-states/

http://www.windows7news.com/2010/01/07/windows7-themes-from-photo-manipulation-artworks/

1.12.10

Pills and Meds and everything!

i have some good news.

there is no War on Drugs.

what we might think of
as a War on Drugs
is simply the different cartels
seeking to increase their market share.

nobody seriously wants
a drug-free America,
or a drug-free anywhere else,
anytime soon.

things would get ugly. fast.

drugs are as much a part of us
as our fingerprints. our intestinal flora.
our memories. the only places on earth
where people aren't taking drugs
are the ones where there are
no drugs to take.