BC government says Hey Culture- Go Die!

The Taser Institute
Helping right-thinking people to do the right thing since 1978"

21 September 2009

From: Vince Smith / VP Operations Western Canada

to: Gordon Campbell / Premier/British Columbia

Further to our recent blah, blah, blah, here's some talking points to help invoke closure vis-a-vis the 'concerns' of some of the cabinet. Let's get this show on- or should I say off ? - the road. We have bigger fish to fry before the clock runs out, amigo...

Benefits of the Recent Adjustments to Arts Funding in BC

1) Removing these subsidies will allow private corporations presenting music, theatre and other entertainments to finally compete with community groups and non-profit organizations on a level playing field.

2) Store windows, construction sites, hydro poles and streetlights will no longer be littered with garish, unsightly posters and flyers. Civic staff formerly concerned with this problem can be reassigned to helping kittens, puppies, widows and orphans.

3) Volunteers for cultural groups can now play more meaningful roles in these organizations, including senior management and performing on stage.

click me for 8 more upsides!

4) Entertainment journalists will no longer have to write about no-name local who-cares artists. Voters across the province can expect an increase in access to information about reality TV, mega-movies, burnt-out aging rockers falling off stages and other cultural activities with proven large audiences.

5) Money and other resources traditionally dedicated to arts groups by the private sector and foundations can now be re-invested in other important community needs, like feeding those orphans.

6) A substantial number of artists (sic) and others with attitudes not in compliance with living in The Best Place On Earth can be expected to leave BC in the coming months for more culturally-oriented provinces, like Alberta.

7) Actors, dancers, technicians and others formerly trapped in dead-end artistic ghettos can develop new and fulfilling careers in the service industry, tourism and other key industries where provincial law guarantees them a minimum hourly wage. The resulting dramatic increase in their annual incomes will in turn stimulate growth in their communities.

8) Employers across the province will be able to source new staff for restaraunts, theme parks, janitorial and other small businesses from a vast new pool of articulate, creative, well-educated, desperate unemployed people.

9) The reaction of artists, performers and other members of the socialist elite can be expected to dominate news coverage in the short term, allowing similar cutbacks in other programs to proceed as planned.

10) These same anti-government groups will devote all available time and resources to changing this decision and/or holding bake sales and other fundraising events, effectively preventing them from linking with other groups facing the same government-induced challeges.

11) In several months, the government can announce the re-instatement of 30 to 50% of the funding for culture and other programs to demonstrate our willingness to "listen to the people" while still netting 50 to 70% of the savings to general revenues short-term, cut the rest next fall...

I'll leave it to your guys to translate these into electo-speak. Looking forward our meeting about the January cuts, and thanks for the VIPTIX to those hockey games next Feb- you da man!

Best regards etc,

ps- Linda from accounting is on my case about the invoices from June, G... can you light a fire under somebody's butt down at Lib central and get that cheque cut? Hate to see anything leaked at this point, when it's going so well...
Just kidding,


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