Military Motivator Meltdown!

three wonderful collections in one mega-post,
featuring some of the finest
military demotivational
posters ever made...



and speaking of


what? even more Military demotivators?

or how about some NINJAs?

or maybe STAR WARS?


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outside in the cold Distance

outside in the cold distance, George could hear the first horns blowing, rousing troops on both sides for the battle to come. hearer by, the sounds of flatulence, oaths and catarrh announced the rising of men, whores and horses, each with their own expectations of the day.

Truth be told, he felt more shivering than chivalrous. As a low ranking member of the Most Noble Order of the Garter, he had been obliged to make camp in a bog, damp cold and home to many biting things. But today being the day of the great battle, a young knight's role was
to prepare himself for holy combat.

The exact nature of his Lord's issue with yon bastard Runaldo the Bald was fuzzy still to him, but if he had learned one thing in ten and seven years, it was that "reason" had little to do with most of what might happen.

What he knew more surely was that his armour did not fit him well at all. That is to say, with his helmet on, he could see not a damn thing, and all he could hear was the sound of his own breath, and blood, pulsing in his veins...


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Hernando and the razorbacks

Spanish explorer Hernando de Soto earned mad cred and 724 marks of gold as a conquistador in the conquest of the Inca empire. Admitted into the prestigious Order of Santiago, he returned to the New World in search of even higher earnings.

On 12th May 1539, with a thousand men (not counting sailors), he set sail from Havana, Cuba with seven of the King's ships and two of his personal caravels, bound for La Florida. In the ship's holds were tons of heavy armour, equipment and livestock, including 237 horses and 200 pigs for their four-year search for a new El Dorado.

Finding a suitable bay for their immigration, they named it Espíritu Santo after the Holy Spirit.

Now, it's known as Bradenton, county seat of Manatee County, FLA.

De Soto and his men did not get close to the local residents. People already living in Florida told them tales of great wealth to be found "toward the sun's rising" usually, to get them to go far away because de Soto and his men were carriers for measles, smallpox, chicken pox and other diseases for which there was no immunity in the New World.

On May 8, 1541, de Soto's troops reached the Mississippi River. To the second European, to ever lay eyes on it, the Big Muddy was just something annoying in the way. It was a bigger barrier than he knew- less than two weeks later, he was dead of fever on its' western bank, in present-day Arkansas.

De Soto's major coup was the depopulation of many southern United States by disease. It should also be noted that the escape of his expedition's pigs introduced the feral pigs that later immigrants would call "razorbacks" to the south.


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out in the Fields

One year in the land of Moab, there came a great famine and so it happened that many immigrated illegally unto neighbouring lands. Ruth the Moabitess was daughter-in-law of Elimelech and Naomi, and followed Naomi to Bethlehem. There Ruth went to glean in the fields of Boaz, who was a rich landowner.

"Damn" Boaz thought to himself "that woman can really glean!". He invites her to eat with him and his workers each day, and leaves out grain for her to claim while keeping a protective eye on her.

Naomi, wise in the ways of men, sends Ruth to the threshing floor one night telling her to "uncover the feet" of the sleeping Boaz. When she does, Boaz awakes and asks,"Who are you?". Ruth tells him, and then asks Boaz to "spread his cloak over her".

Boaz was eighty years old and Ruth was forty when they married. Sadly, Boaz died the day after his wedding, but Ruth would soon give birth to Obed, father of Jesse, and grandfather of David, he who would later pop a cap on Goliath's ass and become the second king of the united Kingdom of Israel.


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even more Street signs for Modern Times!


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one Winter's night

The wind howled and whistled in through the cracks in the old cabin walls. Inside, despite a brave little blaze in the fireplace, frost sparkled along the walls and the bare shelves of the larder.

Jonas broke an icicle off the beam above his head and put it in an iron pot near the fire. To this he added the last of his condensed milk and stirred it with an old spoon he had whittled his first year in the bush. As the steam began to rise, he poured it into a bowl and set it on the floor.

Jonas watched as Mr. Whiskers stood up, stretched and walked slowly over to the bowl, where he sniffed the contents dubiously, then kneeled and lapped at it contentedly. Once they had been young together and over the years, the two of them had been through hail, hell and high water.

There had never been a winter like this, though- never a snow so deep or a wind so cold, for so long. As Mr. Whiskers cleaned the last few drops from the bottom of the bowl, Jonas turned and looked over at the axe leaning against the wall.


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eine kleine Nachtmusik

When Florian von Jager-Müller played clavichord, women would swoon. So astonishing were his abilities, his friend Johann wrote eight little preludes and fugues just to hear Florian play them. Fame and fortune seemed assured, until one day he came upon an old man playing a glockenspiel
in the market.

Later, he described it as "a moment of transport,
of spiritual rapture
". Pawning his clavichord, he
got a concert glockenspiel, and days later was enrolled at der Lübeck Academy, studying under Europe's master of the metallophone,
Konzertmeister Dieter Schmitt.

The night before his graduation recital, they quarreled violently over an issue of repertoire.
The next day, local polizeidetektive found one of Florian's mallets in the Konzertmeister's left ear.

With nothing but the clothes on his back and his beloved "Glockie", Florian fled to Danzig. His father cut off his allowance and not long after that, his landlady Frau Ziegedame evicted him, much
to the relief of her other tenants.

Destitute, Florian and Glockie took to the streets, exploring the frontiers of the chromatic scale and earning a few pfennige for a crust of bread and a glass of beer. Over the years, "Herr Baron von Ding Dong" became a familiar - if under-appreciated - fixture of the city's streets and taverns until January 17, 1902, when he died of rabies after
being bitten by a rat.


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far from the Tree

The Black Death was back, and anyone with the option was well-esconced in the country somewhere, far from London and its wretched, stinking slums.

For some, it was a heaven of
whispers, intrigues and desperate liasons. Others, like Isaac, found themselves in a curious
purgatory where the well-born gorged themselves on larks tongues, French wines and desperate couplings while everyone else either died or did not.

One day, to escape the corrosive triviality of the post-luncheon ennui, Isaac wandered off to a distant corner of the gardens. Unpocketing a volume of Hobbes' objections to Descartes' Meditations, he settled himself beneath the boughs of an old apple tree and savoured the sounds of silence, as he began to read...

His meditations ended abruptly when an eager young apple fell with a thud from a low branch to the crown of his head and then to the grass beside him. "Why don't things ever fall sideways... or fall up, instead of bugging me?" he asked himself.

Ruminating on the mendacity of it all, a thought occurred to him, and the more he thought on it, the brighter it glowed. "It's not My fault" he said to himself "I have been wronged, injured and impacted upon, and I am entitled to restitution and some recognition of my pain and suffering here".

Soon, he was a living legend among Torts afficianados, and a very wealthy young man. When he died, less than a decade later, it was said there was "no pleasure known to man" in which he had not indulged.


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new Street signs (2)

...really, it seems like street signs
really evolved in decades!

if we want people to stop texting and googling
while they're driving, isn't it incumbent
on the rest of us to make sure people
can get the information they really need?

entering the Financial District

Kraftwerk concert, next left

Zombie Crossing

Infinity Ahead


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New Street Signs

i've been living in a more urban zone these days,
riding buses and cabs, walking around
and waiting at lights...

and i've noticed a lot of things,
one of which is that signs in the street
seem to be a little out of touch with the times.

i mean, they don't exactly tell you
all the things a contemporary twitting
individual needs to know 
to survive.

so i created these new signs,
in the public interest.

Tai Chi classes, next right

Ninja crossing

...more to follow.


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