the Rise and Fall of the Great Accordions

By the late Cretaceous Period, the Accordions
were in complete ascendancy.

Everything that moved and many things
didn’t had a mortal enemy
in the Accordion.

Never before or since has Nature
created such a voracious omnivore - one that
could and would consume anything
from raptors to trees to its own young.

This capable predator thrived on land and sea,
and it would dominate life on Earth
for almost 5,000,000 years.

Each new generation grew larger
and more fierce than the one before
until what we know as the Great Accordions
appeared in in eastern Africa and spread to Central Asia.

Some of these magnificent creatures
were as large as doughnut shops.
Their very magnificence, though,
would prove to be their undoing.

The loud, atonal wheezing sound
produced by Bellosaurus Belissima
as they moved could be heard from
nearly a kilometer away… more warning
than most prey needed to escape.

Ultimately, the only food they could catch
was each other, and it is this last desperate orgy
of cannibalism which accounts for their scarcity
in the fossil records.

Extinction was inevitable, and they would fade away
in the blink of an evolutionary eye.

Their day had passed, but new predators
would arise… with powers not based
on solely on size, but on speed, intelligence
and the ability to work together.

It was the dawning of a new era,
which would one day come to be known
as the Age of the Ukelele.


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