Buzzwording your enhanced jargon better...

i like jargon like slugs like salt.

language is a tool for communication.
it's not supposed to be a place to hide.

shit like this doesn't make being crazy any easier,
i can tell you THAT.


or to put it another way,



jargon terminologies negatively impact
my output productivity, diminish primary
attitude-based resources and de-facilitate my capacity
for optimizing critical deliverables...




*

i hate:



strategic partnerships

creating capability

core competencies

stake holders

best practice

game changer

low-hanging fruit

micromanage


and then there's...


boots on the ground

*

i look up at the buildings in big cities
and think "behind those windows
people are busy...

orchestrating killer methodologies

transforming i dot-com functionalities

delivering mission-critical infrastructure

revolutionizing innovative deliverables

it makes my head spin.
it makes me frickin' glad there's medication
in this world too, i can tell you that.

  

*

Verbing [v.]    The process of transforming
an innocent noun into a business verb.

*

- Amazon Kindle vice-president, Ian Freed renamed
books as "reading containers".


- from the People's Republic of China- in a yellow box at the bottom of its new Five Year Plan, it declares: "Facing the future, we are standing at a new historic starting point."



- a US bank spoke of "bank-initiated departures"
when they fired staff people.

see also:

    * career alternative enhancement program

    * career-change opportunity

    * dehiring staff

    * derecruiting resources

    * downsizing employment

    * employee reduction activities

    * implementing a skills mix adjustment

    * negative employee retention

    * optimizing outplacement potential

    * rectification of a workforce imbalance

    * redundancy elimination

    * right-sizing employment

    * selecting out manpower

    * strategic downsizing

    * vocation relocation policy

who could honestly say that any one of these terms
doesn't soften the hurtful impact of the situation...
compared to back in the day, when they would
simply say
"you're fired"
in the vernacular,
"you're fucked".



which interestingly enough (to me, anyway)
is exactly what all those other
MBA-ish terms boil down to,
anyway.


the enhanced terms do have another use.
they allow to users to sustain the illusion
that they are not replicating an organizational
model pioneered by the Gestapo.

..."just following orders".

of course, there an app for this...

and there's a web site where you can
translate jargon into english...

    

and if you thought being negatively retained
was like the worst thing,

A West Midlands Ambulance Service spokesman said:
“When crews arrived they found a train that had stopped near by to the spot where the man’s body was found.  He had suffered injuries incompatible with life.”

...now you know different.

"Absent any scheme for incentivitising clear speech, however, I'm afraid we're stuck with biz-speak."

GEEK YOUR FURTHER BRAINS OUT ON JARGON
AT ANY OF THESE FINE SITES

MBA Jargon Watch

http://www.johnsmurf.com/jargon.htm


http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-12596528


http://www.jargondatabase.com/Category/Political

http://www.theofficelife.com/business-jargon-dictionary-A.html

http://responsiblemarketing.com/blog/tag/jargon




make bullshit

.