The King of France was assembling a great army near Dieppe, but he needed a new weapon of mass destruction to strike fear into his English foes. His salvation appeared in the person of the Dauphin Alphonse "Frankie" Rue deMerde, who promised a weapon that would make the English archers cry like little girls and bring the King golden showers of glory.
Voila Le Beau Bow! It was born of a chance meeting between the Dauphin and a Macedonian exile named Victor Yaznemski, in one of Marseille's more bestial brothels. Over the dregs of a cheap brandy, the Dauphin mumbled something about the King's army, and Victor told him of his idea for a terrible new weapon that could spill rivers of blood.
The Dauphin commissioned Victor to build at once, and a month later le Beau Bow debuted at court. Everyone wanted to see it in action, which accounts for the relatively high death toll when - just as the bow reached full extension - it broke, sending both arms of the bow and the
string spinning away.
The Bow's crew and a dozen of the King's favourite courtiers were sliced to ribbons. The Dauphin fled to the colonies and Yaznemski was taken to the Bastille, where the giant arrow was inserted in
his rectum. Sadly, no one noticed that le Bow clearly was a great weapon, if pointed the other way.
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